What the fuck is it with white people and jello... Sookie don't need no bad ju ju cookin'... smell this, you can smell the fear and nastiness coming up off that cornbread.

Giving Jason Stackhouse Vampire blood is like giving ho-hos to a diabetic... You know he can't control himself.

Hey, you shut your nasty mouth mister! You might be a Vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me
like the lady that I am!

Vampires are always in some kind of trouble. I prefer to be in it with you.

I got gout… of the DICK!

Eric: I texted you three times. You didn't respond.
Bill: I hate having to use the number keys to type.

Bill: Uh oh.
Sookie: Don't say 'Uh oh'. Vampires are not supposed to say 'Uh oh'.

That boy is sex on a stick. I don't give a good damn how stuck up he is.

I just paid four hundred dollars to watch you drown a possum!

Bill, you were just licking blood out of my head, it don't think it gets much more personal than that.