Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try

Save me, Jeebus.

Homer no function beer well without.

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his... more

I have 3 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 3 money?

So I said to him, "Look, buddy, your car was upside down when we got here. And as for your Grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that!"

You can dance, you can dance...everybody look at your pants.

Well kids, it's Valentine's Day, and you know what that means... you get to watch TV in the basement with the volume WAY up!

I dance, I dance, I dance... around the Mexican hat. I dance, I dance, I dance... and that's the end of that. Or is it I'll just keep on singing, my cell phone appears to be ringing...

Bart: Woah! God is so in your face!
Homer: Yeah, he's my favorite fictional character.