Kit Porter: Let me talk to Tina.
Bette: What would you say?
Kit Porter: That my sister is a pootie chasin' dog, who deserves to be tied down and whupped upside the head, but it doesn't change the... more

Lets make a baby

Bette: [Bette and Tina are talking on the phone] And you know who's responsible for this? Your buddy Helena Peabody. The woman is a fucking dragon and she's making my life a living hell.
[Tina... more

Kit Porter: Let me talk to Tina.
Bette: What would you say?
Kit Porter: That my sister is a pootie chasin' dog, who deserves to be tied down and whupped upside the head, but it doesn't change the... more

Bette: [Bette and Tina are talking on the phone] And you know who's responsible for this? Your buddy Helena Peabody. The woman is a fucking dragon and she's making my life a living hell.
[Tina... more

Peggy Peabody: I was a lesbian back in 1974.
Bette: Just 1974?
Peggy Peabody: Yes, that was all I needed.
Bette: That's what we commonly refer to as a "hasbian".

ARSEN!ARSEN!

Bette: Why is it so important for you to believe that everyone is sleeping with everyone else?

Alice: Because they are.

I need an estimate, the insurance company needs an estimate, are you seeing a pattern here? Oh bring it on you fucking dwarf.

Alice: Thank god you're here we're totally outnumbered.
Bette: What do you mean?
Alice: Straight people.
Bette: Oh, Jesus.