Melvin: What are you going to say when you're standing at the gates of Heaven and God opens the book of life, and reads your sins?
Bette: I will say I am your creation, and I am proud!

Officer: Do you ever watch pornography?
Tim: Uh...
Officer: You don't have to answer that. We all do.

Tonya: (to Dana) Honey, Shane is doing Arianna Huffington.
Dana: You're doing Arianna Huffington? She's fifty, Shane!
Shane: Her hair.

ALICE: Uh, I happen to be the earth mother.. i would be the God-Mother but i dont believe in God.
SOCIAL WORKER: Of course you don't

Jenny: "...men can't handle the fact that these women can have this amazing, fucking beautiful, mind-blowing orgasm without a fucking cock.!"
Charlotte B: "Sounds like you know what... more

Shane: I'm making party brownies, so don't worry about it.
Adele: Party Brownies? What are party brownies?
Shane: (shows bag of weed) Party Brownies.

My mother told me about you. You're like the Fonz or something of lesbians." Molly to Shane

'hi i'm dawn denbo and this is my lover cindy.'

Molly: What kind of bullshit tent is this?
Shane: It was on sale at Costco.
Molly: And you expect me to have Advanced Placement lesbian sex in this shitty runt tent?
Shane: Yeah, I do.

Tina: How fucken hard is it to get you on the phone?!

Bette: Apparently not that hard

Tina: Well you can’t avoid me whenever you’d like, because we have a kid together now, okay?

Bette:... more