Bill: Rob is not Jesus.

Colin: "Oh my GOD, my ox is BROKEN!"

"Ladies and Gentleman, Miss California""
Eric

Phil: (to Kami/Karli) That was quite an entrance. Everybody else just walked through the shallow water there.

Eric: What do you want to do?
Danielle: Go stand in a puddle and drop your hairdryer in it and kill ourselves.

Drew [pointing at a map]: Zambia, that's where we are.
Kevin: That's Namibia, jackass.

Danny: We know of Rob and Amber, because, obviously, we live on this planet.

Danny: I gotta catch my breath.
Oswald: I told you, less martinis and more cardio.

My ox is broken!!

Oswald “God grant me the patience to withstand the things I cannot change. And the intelligence to hide the body of this man once I’m done killing him.”