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When I first started I thought there was semen on everything, and there was this big database with all the bad guys' semen in it. If he ejaculated and then punched you then we might have something.

--Seth Rogen as Officer Michaels

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-You scratch our back, and we'll scratch yours.

-Well Jules the funny thing is, is that my back is located on my cock

--Jonah Hill as Seth

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Fo sho, fo sho, Imma get that fo sho

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Fogell/McLovin: So, what's it like to carry a gun?

Officer Michaels: Well, it's sort of like having two cocks...if one of your cocks could kill someone!

--Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Fogell/McLovin

--Seth Rogen as Officer Michaels

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