Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm. I told Security to look into it. But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward.

What is it with steel wool? Is it steel? Or is it wool?

Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys!"

J.D.: Look, uh... Janitor...
[the Janitor rolls his eyes]
J.D.: ...I'm gonna be straight with you: I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked... more

Janitor: [J.D. and Turk have been stealing hospital supplies] Hey, have you been stealing pudding cups and toilet paper around here?
J.D.: [stammers] No! I hate pudding and I don't use... toilet... more

J.D.: This, this isn't like being a janitor, okay! It's not just like something everybody can do.
Janitor: Oh. So you can do my stuff, but I can't do yours?
J.D.: Yes!
Janitor: Okay, hotshot, what... more

Hey that'll be fun to clean up

(J. D. talking in his head)
J.D. : The Hospital's like one big family,so if one relationship ends there's always plenty of others you can rely on.
(Dr. Cox making his entrance in the... more

Nurse: Knock knock!
Janitor: who's there?
Nurse mop head.
Nurse mop head who?
You have a mop head

I don't pick people to annoy, they pick me!