She's the devil, Newbie. Don't look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.

You stole my moment... and you will pay.

Yeah, I make it a point to never enter a shrink's office unless I'm planning on grossly overpaying somebody for telling me something that I already know.

No thanks, I already had diarrhea today.

Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside... more

You're a wonderful and passionate person, and that's why I can see myself with you when I'm 70 and you're 65 and your face is 40 and your boobs are 29.

Go Ahead and Thank "What's His Name For Me." - Dr. Cox
You Mean Jesus? - Laverne
That's The One! - Dr. Cox

Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself... more

one time i watched my mother knock my father unconscious with a frying pan. wanna know what i did? ...i kept right on going with my birthday party.

J.D.: What the hell are we supposed to do?

Dr. Cox: Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV induced panic there is - poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East... more