J.D.: Look, uh... Janitor...
[the Janitor rolls his eyes]
J.D.: ...I'm gonna be straight with you: I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked... more

JD [as Robin]: "Holy inferiority complex Batman! How low is my self-esteem that I'm the sidekick in my own fantasy?"

Turk [as Batman]: "It could be worse. You could be Alfred the... more

Turk: How you doin?
JD: Not too bad, considering I just had a bomb dropped on me.
Turk: No no, that was bigger than a bomb...More like an asteroid about to hit the planet. You know people running... more

Hooch: Who else thinks they're faster than me? Huh? HUH?
JD: Yo, Hooch is seriously crazy.

''Uh, Jason...when you're filling out a female patient's exam report, her breasts can be 'Healthy' or 'Unhealthy.' Never 'Bangin' Double Ds.'''

Cox: Fine, but if you use the words 'Emotional Rollercoaster' I am OUT
JD: Deal. I just feel like I'm on this emotional... Ride of some sort

JD: I know I haven't hit it in a while but there's good reason for that.
Dr. Cox: Two good reasons; his face and his personality.

Ted we found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples"
"IF I CANT BE HAPPY WHY SHOULD THEY?

J.D.: If you get a chance, read the Boondocks, man that little kid hates honkies!

Turk: Who doesn't?

J.D.: Don't listen to her. Most guys would kill for those curls.
Dr. Cox: Straighten up, Newbie, and I mean that in every sense of the word. This woman is pure molten evil.
J.D.: Got it.