It's not a unicorn, it is a horse with a sword on it's head to guard my hopes and dreams!

JD: You're not aware of some sort of underground canal system under the hospital, are you? I think I saw a manatee.
Janitor: Was his name Julian?
JD: We didn't exchange pleasantries.
Janitor:... more

[after J.D. and Turk hug]
Ted: "I need one of those."
J.D.: "A hug?"
Ted: "No, a black friend. I think it would make me much cooler."

I want you to know, if I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world, or sitting at home with you, eating a pizza, watching a crappy TV show, I'd choose you every time.

JD: That's Iraq
Janitor: That's China
JD: You're China!
Janitor: That's an outrageous accusation!

Carla: Bambi, not everyone loves journey as much as you
JD: I don't love journey
Turk:Shes just a smalltown girl
JD:(singing)Living in a lonely world, she took the midnightrain going anywhere.... more

JD: You make it sound like we're married!

Turk: Dude, we're a little married.

JD: I know. I love it!

My mom had a uterus. I lived in it.

Carla: Ok. Then i'll just go tell all your patients that they are on their own tonight because you guys are too scared.
J.D: No Carla. I'm their doctor... I should tell them.

J.D.: And when we die, where do meet in Heaven?
Turk: At the milkshake pool on the lesbian cloud!
J.D.: I'll see you there, playaa!... I love religion.