Carla: Bambi, not everyone loves journey as much as you
JD: I don't love journey
Turk:Shes just a smalltown girl
JD:(singing)Living in a lonely world, she took the midnightrain going anywhere.... more

JD: You make it sound like we're married!

Turk: Dude, we're a little married.

JD: I know. I love it!

J.D.: And when we die, where do meet in Heaven?
Turk: At the milkshake pool on the lesbian cloud!
J.D.: I'll see you there, playaa!... I love religion.

Dude, the only difference between a white girl and a black girl is that if a black girl asks you if her ass is big, you say hell yes.

Carla: You two do realize you're doctors right...?
JD and Turk: DOUBLE SECRET DECODER RING WEARING DOCTORS!!!!!! ACTIVATE!!!!!!
JD: Form of an ice menorah!

Turk: You know, I never get chocolate cake.
Elliot: Oh, right, cause you're diabetic. Boo hoo. You know Turk, if you want sympathy, get a disease people can see!

TURK: I'm not telling Isabella she's got a vagina till she turns eighteen.
KIM: That's gonna be an awkward birthday party.
TURK: Do NOT tell my daughter she has a vagina! I'm serious!
JD: ...it... more

Turk - Oh my god she's in my head. Ok I'll use it to my advantage, (thinks) "Make me a grilled cheese sandwich woman".
Carla - Make it yourself.
Turk- (turns and looks horrified)

J.D.: OK, on the night of said conception, uh... Kim and I nuded up and, um, the dirty talk began and I got a little overexcited.

Turk: Ooh! She like'a d' dirty talk!

J.D.: No, I do. I find it... more

Turk: How do you know sign language?
Janitor: Well, when I was in high school I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo. And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens when I... more