Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed... more

It's not a unicorn, it is a horse with a sword on it's head to guard my hopes and dreams!

Because even if it breaks your heart to be 'just friends', if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends... more

Turk: You know, I never get chocolate cake.
Elliot: Oh, right, cause you're diabetic. Boo hoo. You know Turk, if you want sympathy, get a disease people can see!

“Elliot: Janitor, have you ever looked at yourself and wished that you were different in every single way?

Janitor: No. I'm a winner."

I've got three words for you, sucks to be, adding a fourth, YOU

I don't believe in the moon. I think it's just the back of the sun.

Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'

My mom had a uterus. I lived in it.