Leon: Roseanne what is all this?
Roseanne: It's a gay wedding.
Leon: This isn't a wedding it's a circus! You have somehow managed to take every gay stereotype and roll them up into one gigantic,... more

Becky: "Did I hear right? Are we going on vacation?"
Narrator: "Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Becky, played by Lecy Goranson, then by Sarah Chalke, and then by Lecy Goranson, will... more

Crystal: How do you like your marshmallows, Roseanne?

Roseanne: Like my men, crispy on the outside and stuck to the end of a fork.

[Darlene is on the phone]

Roseanne: Get off, now.
-Darlene: Why are you picking on me for?
Roseanne: 'Cause I can't find Becky.

[All of the kids have left for school]

Roseanne: Quick, they're gone. Change the locks.

All human beings connect sex and love... except for men.

Oh, isn't that sweet. My son just closed his first drug deal.

Cut the crap, okay. You're talking to Darlene's mother, the mother of all mothers and she is majorly mad.

[Mark failed a test]

Mark: You know Mrs. Connor, you always thought I was stupid. Now here's your proof.

[hands her the test]

Mark: Go ahead, make your jokes.

Roseanne: Well, it's... more

Mark: I'm sorry for making you sick, Mrs. Connor.

Roseanne: Oh, it's not your fault, Mark. Becky never should'a married you.