D.J.: "Mark wants to know if he should score a keg."
Roseanne: "Uh no, tell him I think I'll strap the baby onto the back of the Harley and take her on her first beer run myself"

[Dan and Roseanne had a fight and aren't speaking to each other at the dinner table]
D.J.: "Mom, what's going on?"
Roseanne: "We're playing a game."
D.J.: "Can I... more

D.J.--Moom, Darlene called me a prevert.
Roseanne--You're not a prevert honey, you're a pervert.

D.J.: I haven't said anything in two days. Nobody's cared.
Roseanne: Oh, that can't be.
D.J.: Uh-huh. The last thing I said was "Cheerios".

Hockey is great. You get to hurt guys and people clap.

DJ: "Hey mom look, I ate my poptart into the shape of a gun"

Crystal: "I definitely want a girl"

DJ: "You're only moving to Chicago because your mom has to have an operation"
Todd: "No she doesn't"
DJ: "She does too, my mom says shes having a big stick taken out of her... more

Should we put the sheet back over him? Lets put it right back on DJ's bed, lets put it on Darlene's bed, let see who can yell the loudest, I CAN!!! Now shut up.

Jackie: Oh my god! My water just broke!

DJ: Ewww!!!

Leon:Oh my god, Roseanne! Her water didnt break because of me...beacaue I....

Roseanne:Beacause you made her clean? YES leon, now she will... more