[about Darlene's pregnancy]
David: "When? How? Where?"
Darlene:"My first guess would be Disney World."
David: "You mean... that night after the fireworks?"
Darlene:... more

Darlene: "No, I'm serious. I think we should get married."

David: "Oh, I get it. Now you're gonna tell me you're kidding."

Darlene: "Nope. Now I'm gonna tell you I'm... more

Darlene:"I'm probably gonna start throwing like a girl now."
Roseanne:"Definitely. And now that you got your period your gonna be throwing a lot harder."

Darlene: Trust me, he goes in that room cause it's the only one with a lock on it, and he's in there for like an hour at a time. Which means he's either really, really good at it, or really, really... more

Darlene: Were you a virgin when you married Dad?
Roseanne: Yes I was!
Darlene: Really?
Roseanne: Absolutely, I still am.
Darlene: Oh, so you weren't.
Roseanne: No... no.
Darlene: Wow, my... more

[to D.J]
You're about to become a strange smell in the attic.

I mouth off to everyone. People love that about me.

The only way I'm going to Prom is if I can sit in the rafters with a bucket of pigs blood.

Roseanne: And so we come to the end of bitch fest '93.

Darlene: Oh, what a time we had.

Roseanne: Well, I've got an idea. Let's talk about D.J's school.

Darlene: Yeah. I heard he got caught playing with his instrument in band.

D.J: I'm not in band, stupid.