D.J.--Moom, Darlene called me a prevert.
Roseanne--You're not a prevert honey, you're a pervert.

Darlene: Were you a virgin when you married Dad?
Roseanne: Yes I was!
Darlene: Really?
Roseanne: Absolutely, I still am.
Darlene: Oh, so you weren't.
Roseanne: No... no.
Darlene: Wow, my... more

Becky: "Did I hear right? Are we going on vacation?"
Narrator: "Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Becky, played by Lecy Goranson, then by Sarah Chalke, and then by Lecy Goranson, will... more

Crystal: How do you like your marshmallows, Roseanne?

Roseanne: Like my men, crispy on the outside and stuck to the end of a fork.

[Darlene is on the phone]

Roseanne: Get off, now.
-Darlene: Why are you picking on me for?
Roseanne: 'Cause I can't find Becky.

Well I'll snap your spine in half like a potato chip, ya bitch!

Bev: Where do you keep your citrus fruit?
Roseanne: I think there's an orange under the dryer...

Roseanne: You two are gonna be loving sisters like me and Jackie!
Darlene: Okay.
[to Becky]
Darlene: I'll sleep with every guy in town and you gain 400 pounds.

Hear that, Dan? All these years people though I was being a bitch; but I was just showing an opinionated, blue collar outlook!

Dan: Oh man, we're screwed.
Roseanne: No, Dan. We are so far beyond screwed that the light from screwed will take one billion years to reach the earth.