Fred: All right, how many people did you date before you met me?
Jackie: Well, do you mean dated at all or dated seriously?
Fred: I mean seriously.
Jackie: Oh, I'd say only a few.
Fred:... more

Roseanne: [their father has just died] Okay, that's it. I can't do it anymore, you call the rest of the family list.
Jackie: I can't call people, Roseanne!
Roseanne: Jackie... dial!
Jackie: I'm... more

I've got no one. No friends, no family. Nobody. It's just me. Just me and my ganja.

Roseanne: Face it, Jackie. Our family was screwed up. Which is probably why I got fat and why I got fat and why you kept jumping from guy to guy.

Jackie: Yeah...or maybe I just never found the... more

(Fred is trying to woo a heavily pregnant Jackie.

Fred- Hey, Jackie!
Jackie- Fred.
Fred- How ya feeling today?
Jackie- Lovely, Fred, if I could do a backbend, I'd be a camel.

Jackie: "Mom drank when she was pregnant with us."
Roseanne: "Oh, Jackie, after a few months in mom we needed a shot or two."

Is this the sink? Am I shrinking?

[after Roseanne yells at Jackie for never having a stable relationship]

Jackie: Well, we can't all be a happily married couple who love each other and who each weigh 500 pounds!

Roseanne: Seriously, Ma, you gotta believe in God! I mean... There just HAS to be a God! I'd hate to think that after a lifetime of hideous crap and unending suffering, all the stupid stuff I've had... more

Fred: Thanks mom.

Jackie: Don't you dare call her mom. You may call her Bev, or Sea-Hag.