Can I see a wine list please, and I'll have a beer while we're waiting.

I mouth off to everyone. People love that about me.

D.J.--Moom, Darlene called me a prevert.
Roseanne--You're not a prevert honey, you're a pervert.

Darlene: Were you a virgin when you married Dad?
Roseanne: Yes I was!
Darlene: Really?
Roseanne: Absolutely, I still am.
Darlene: Oh, so you weren't.
Roseanne: No... no.
Darlene: Wow, my... more

Bev: Where do you keep your citrus fruit?
Roseanne: I think there's an orange under the dryer...

D.J.: What's a virgin?
Darlene: You in 40 years.

To whom it concerns, Darlene's work will be late/ It fell on her pancakes and stuck to her plate./ To whom it concerns, my ma made me write this/ And I'm just her kid, so how could I fight this./ To... more

Well I'll snap your spine in half like a potato chip, ya bitch!

I've got no one. No friends, no family. Nobody. It's just me. Just me and my ganja.

Roseanne: You two are gonna be loving sisters like me and Jackie!
Darlene: Okay.
[to Becky]
Darlene: I'll sleep with every guy in town and you gain 400 pounds.