Can I stay here a while? I don't want Marcy to know I'm not at the Unemployment Anonymous meeting.

Since the wives are downtown feeding dinners to the homeless, shouldn't we be at the nudie bar feeding dollars to the topless?

Marcy: You dispensed job information? You who thinks a W2 is a bingo number?

Jefferson: I know it's not a bingo number... it's that stuff you spray on squeaky hinges, isn't it?

Having sex with your pregnant wife is like putting gas into a car you've already wrecked.

Jefferson: You copied that from Bugs Bunny.
Al: No, Daffy Duck.
Jefferson: Bugs.
Al: Daffy.
Jefferson: Bugs.
Al: Daffy.
Peggy: Why are you two introducing yourselves to each other?

Jefferson: How am I going to pay for this?
Marcy: Three words.
Jefferson: I love you?
Marcy: Try again.
Jefferson: Hop on Pop?
Marcy: Get a job.
[Peg and Jefferson gape in horror]

Al: That's my douche.
Jefferson: Oh yeah? Well you touched my Girlie Fizz.