“There should be a special level of hell for this pus-sucking gangrenous malignancy of a mental amoeba.”
“Someone steal your parking space again?”

IAB Guy: "You need anger management, Captain."
Cragen: "And you need to kiss my ass!"

Olivia: "He smells expensive."
Cragen: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you to smell the defendant."

I am really getting sick of these kids, which is probably why I don't have any.

Cragen: (looks around bullpen) This place is a pigsty.
Olivia: You're the one who said no janitors.
Cragen: Oh thanks Olivia, now it's my fault!

It's all fun and games until somebody loses a penis

You don't get to pick the vic.

He's lucky I didn't knock his teeth down his throat!

I'd pay real money to see that.

Our perp has a penchant for puzzles.

Cragen: Take someone with you.
Stabler: Are you offering to be my partner?
Cragen: I'm not your type.
Stabler: I might have better luck with a guy. Women keep leaving me.