Jill: Wilson, do you think humans are more important than machines?
Wilson: Without a doubt. Although I am awfully fond of my waffle maker.
Jill: Well could you please tell that to the knucklehead... more

Wilson: What I'm trying to say is that most people think the best way to get rid of a wart is to cut it off, but in actuality that isn't the best solution. See, the wart will reappear because the... more

Tim: Wilson, are you naked?
Wilson: No, Tim, I am wearing a hat.

Tim: Jill got mad at me because I didn't listen to her.
Wilson: No, I think she got mad at you because you blew up the damn dishwasher.

[Tim turns on the Christmas lights]
Wilson: Do not look directly at the Jesus!