And remember, if it says Binford on it, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Tools aren't supposed to talk to ya!

Al: Ilene!
Tim: Of course you lean. You're lopsided.

Jill: You are never driving again.
Tim: Why? I was only going 35 miles per hour.
Jill: Yeah, over speed bumps.

Wilson: Tim, are you familiar with the I-Ching?
Tim: Sure. The itching, the scratching, the chafing. That's why I switched to boxers, my friend.
Wilson: No... No, actually, the I-Ching is the... more

Jill: Hey, Tim, dinner's ready.
Tim: I'm not really that hungry.
Jill: I didn't cook it.
Tim: I am famished.

Now it's a heat seek'n, beak tweak'n, shark-faced pecker wrecker!

"Has the Sphinx ever replaced your electrolytes? I don't think so, Al."

Al: I think one of these days, you're going to run out of flannel jokes.
Tim: I don't think so, Al. Not with my "Complete Flannel Joke Book".
"Why did the flannel cross the road?... more

Tim: Ice cold pop for my favourite son.
Mark: I'm your favorite son?
Tim: Well, you're my last hope. One son looks like a sumo wrestler, and the other one's in there putting moves on his mother.

Tim: Some toolmen say 'Why?' This toolman says 'Why not?'
Jill: This toolman's wife says 'Why me?'