Randy [After seeing Tim wearing a kilt]: "Hey Mom, where's Dad?"

Tim: What's the matter with Brad?
Randy: Well, he's dumb and he's got a dorky haircut.

Randy: I'll take public transportation.
Tim: Don't use your fancy words with me, it's called a bus!

Okay, two for the space man and seven for the cute little lion. " (to Buzz Lightyear and Simba the Lion)

"Um, Beth, another cooger snookie? Er, another booger cookie?"

"No one has ever died in a prancing accident."

Randy: "Hey Mom, can I tell you a joke? You can use it in your speech if you want."

Jill: Sure, go ahead.

Randy: "If a snake married an undertaker what would their towels... more

[Brad has spelled "Melonology" on the Scrabble board]

Randy: "Melonology?"

Brad: "The study of melons."

Randy: "There is no such thing as... more

"How many pucks would a puck chuck puck, if a puck chuck could chuck pucks?"

Jill: "So how was your date with Lauren?"

Randy: "Oh, great! We went on another lovely afternoon date. First we went to the afternoon movie where the theater was full of old... more