Jill: You are never driving again.
Tim: Why? I was only going 35 miles per hour.
Jill: Yeah, over speed bumps.

Jill: Hey, Tim, dinner's ready.
Tim: I'm not really that hungry.
Jill: I didn't cook it.
Tim: I am famished.

Tim: Some toolmen say 'Why?' This toolman says 'Why not?'
Jill: This toolman's wife says 'Why me?'

Tim [Bowling]: You're dead, pin. You're dead. You and your nine scrawny friends too.
[Throws the ball]
Mark: Yay, Daddy, you did it. You knocked down that one pin!
Jill: Yaaaaaaa, and you left his... more

Tim: You just don't understand the intricacies of the male mind.
Jill: Explain it to me, I've got a minute.

Jill [Tim, dressed as Tarzan, is swinging outside in the snow]: Tim, it's 15 degrees out there!
Tim: You Jane, me Fro-zan.

Tim: I would have loved to make Brad come here against his will.
Jill: That's a great vision for Christmas Eve: the four of us singing hymns; you with Brad in a headlock.

Jill: That's not what you think, is it, Tim?
Tim: It's not?
Jill: No.
Al: What DO you think?
Tim: I don't know, ask her.

Funeral director: "We feel we know all our guests, in spirit."

Jill: "Your guests? What is this, the Bates motel?"

Jill: "I'm Jill Taylor, I'm a counseling intern."

Lou Hanson: "Nice to meet you."

Jill: "Well, before we begin, I'd like to talk a little bit about my methodology. I... more