Tim: Where is the Nomad?
Brad: Well, it is called a Nomad, maybe it wandered off.

Brad: Hey Dad, why didn't you marry Al?
Tim: Um, I thought about it. I just couldn't stand the thought of him bearing my children. Little babies with beards and flannel diapers...

Brad: [on the phone] Ashley, there is nothing going on between me and Melissa. I just gave her a taste of my Jello, it's not like we both chewed on the same piece of gum.

Mark: I am never doing yoga again.
Brad: Yeah, it's the first time I've ever seen the back of my neck.
Jill: Now that you've seen it, wash it.

Tim: Well, guys. I think there's something we can all learn from this.
Brad: Yeah, that a nose can be broken more than once in a day.

Brad: All I wanted to do was be with my friends. A lot of people I like are going to be down there.
Tim: Christmas is not about being with people you like. It's about being with your family.

Wilson: Have you thought about what you'll study in college?
Brad: Yeah, I think about it all the time.
Wilson: Besides girls.
Brad: Then, no.

Brad: I explained it in the note.
Tim [Picks up note]: "Gone skiing. Brad."

Brad: Mom, Dad's swearing.
Randy: Yeah, he said "hell" and "damn."
Tim: I did not say "damn."
Randy: Now ya did!

Brad: Wanna go play some Zombie Sneak Attack?
Randy: Can't do it. Dad made a few adjustments. The zombies won't be coming back from the dead any more.