Cappie: Can we all be mature and just say what we're really feeling?
How the hell could they cancel Gilmore Girls!

Rusty: It's Beaver, he's drunk and he's peeing in your closet.
Cappie: Not again!

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Cappie: Ben Bennet I'm putting you in charge of the Jello shots
Ben: But we're out of vodka
Cappie: Well then just use water
Ben: You can make Jello with just water?
Cappie: I don't know,... more

Cappie: Name, homestate.
Rusty: I'm Rusty Cartwright and I'm from Illinios.
Cappie: Really? Do you know Casey Cartwright?
Rusty: Yea, she's my sister.
Cappie: I didn't know she had a... more

I had a little minx once. She was the fairest of all the forest creatures. But I let her get away. (Slaps himself) Bad Cappie.

Casey: I know where I want to be in 10 years, do you?
Cappie: I want to be with you.

Rebecca: Say the first thing that comes to your mind. (she presses play on the tape player, a baby cry comes out)
Cappie: Evan Chambers losing his allowance.

Cappie: Nothing starts the day off right like that first cup of joe... after all your first is always the best, don't you agree? The one that's the most special.

Casey: The one you can never... more

Rusty: Well, why aren't we going?
Cappie: Just listen to the name, Spitter. It's a ball. It's a testicle we're not going to a testicle.