Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.

Dorothy: Ma, why didnt you just call?
Sophia: I tried, every time I put a dime in and dialed, a condom popped out, I got five in my pocket, here Dorothy, a lifetime supply.

Blanche: Well, I certainly didn't wait for my wedding night, honey. I couldn't - I had these urges. You know, in the South, we mature faster. I think it's the heat.

Dorothy: I think it's the gin.

Sophia singing: "Thaaaaaanks for the medicare!
For Blue-Cross and Blue Shield,
For a hip that finally healed!
... more

Blanche: I'm going to take a bath with just enough water to cover my firm, yet ample bosom.
Sophia: You're gonna take a bath in an inch of water?

Sophia: I need the money for my old age.
Dorothy: Old age? You don't leave fingerprints anymore.

Blache: "Is that all you Italians do? Scream and hit?"

Sophia: "No, we also make love and sing opera!"

Blanche: "What does one wear to a sperm bank?"
Dorothy: "Something attractive in rubber."
Blanche: "I have that."

My God. I'm hallucinating. I see little balls of sunshine in a bag!

Blanche: Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller. She walked in on me at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth.
Rose: You think... more