Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch

Stewie: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Momma! Momma! Momma! Momma! Momma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Lois: WHAT!

Stewie: ...Hi! [runs... more

Peter: Brian look! There's a message in my alphabits: it says "ooooooooooo"

Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made of?

Stewie: Sunshine and farts, what the hell kind of question is that?

(reading the Bible): My, my. What a thumping good read! Lions eatting Christians, people nailing each other to two-by-fours. I say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh.

How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working... more

Stewie : What kind of man would I be if I walked away from my responsibilities?

Brian : A black man?

Stewie : What the hell was that?

Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

Lois, Lois, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, mommy, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mom...mommy, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mom"

"What!!!????"

"HI

Lois: Don't be afraid of the water Stewie its not gonna bite

Stewie: I know its not gonna bite stupid. What a stupid thing to say, you drown in it idiot, it doesn't have to bite you!