Marie Barone: One day you'll turn around, and I'll be gone!
Ray Barone:[Spins completely around] Not today!

The fly that was flying around, Angela killed it, it fell on the table, she put it in a napkin, and then she AAATE IIT!!

You know what's great about a pickle? It's like a food, and a drink.

My father is not that deep. He thinks the moral of Adam and Eve story is don't eat food naked.

Don't get on your high horse if you can't take the smell."-

Frank: "That is what the Civil War is all about. Families coming together..."

Ray: "To kill other families."

Frank: "Amen."

Ray (gives Debra pills for PMS): While I was out, I got you something. I wanna make you feel better, and this should take care of all your...symptoms.

Debra: Except for 'bitchy', right... more

Marie Barone: Another sex game? Didn't you have enough with that other sex game you and Robert used to play all the time when you were kids?
Ray Barone: What?
Marie Barone: You know, the one with... more

(Ray refusing to buy Ally a 250$ dress)
Ray: "Look, Ally's gonna look nice. We'll buy her a nice, normal-priced dress. I don't know what the big deal is"

Debra: "Because you have... more

(Referencing Ally's math teacher): "If x= lame, then that guy is 4 times x."