Marie Barone: One day you'll turn around, and I'll be gone!
Ray Barone:[Spins completely around] Not today!

(debra at the police station after being arrested for drunk driving)

I don't have a drinking problem, I have a mother-in-law problem, I SHOULD BE DRUNK EVERY DAY!

The fly that was flying around, Angela killed it, it fell on the table, she put it in a napkin, and then she AAATE IIT!!