Bree: "Andrew, your sister tried to kill herself. Why aren't you upset ?"

Andrew: "She tried to slit her wrist with a spoon. How upset do you want me to be ?"

See, I like chocolate. But I also enjoy vanilla!

We all have to cut the apron stings at some point

Bree:- I just... I've tried so hard to set a good example. I've done the best I could to teach you kids right from wrong. Why isn't it taking?
Andrew:- It took. I mean, we know the difference... more

Lynette: I told you I wanted this floor to sparkle like your mom's. Now does this floor look "Bree Hodge" clean to you?

Andrew: Uh..No. It looks "Andrew Van De Kamp" clean but... more

Andrew: "When she said that to me, suddenly it hit me how I was gonna get back at her. From now on, I'm going to be so good. I'm gonna eat my vegetables, I'm,I'm gonna get good grades, I'm gonna... more

I know she's a bitch
but she's family
so that makes her our [bitchhh]

Austin is not gay. Not even after three beers… Don't ask.

Andrew: "Uh, Mom?"

Bree: "Andrew, please don't interrupt me while I'm speaking. True, I never bought her eldest daughter a gift, but you know my policy: no husband, no baby gift.... more

Andrew: What was wrong with that guy?
Lynette: He kept asking what we do with the food that people don't eat.
Andrew: So, he's a fat loser. Who do you expect to get for $8.50 an hour?
Lynette:... more