I was trying to process one lesbian and now I have three.

And I say that with all do respect : you really need to get laid

Dear Modern Man,
You know what this modern woman wants for breakfast? Maybe oatmeal. Bacon and eggs if she's craving protein. Definitely coffee, but relax -- I'm not gonna have you for... more

My life's like a romantic comedy that's never romantic! Or comedic! My life is nothing like a romantic comedy!

Caitlin: so i slept with a guy on the first date and alicia's pregnant
Mia: okay, i think we need to have a talk about the birds and the bees

What do you have me on speed-dial under 'slut'?

Caitlin: My girlfriend is pregnant. My girfriend is pregnant. Just doesn't sound any better the more I say it. You say it.
Mia: Your girlfriend is pregnant.
Caitlin: Nope, that still sounds weird.

Clive: Use your fear and turn it around! The first one to get a heart attack gets a bonus! Now go!

Juliet: Hell hath no fury like a mistress scorned.

Mia: Why is there a man about to be eaten by a woman on the cover of my magazine?