You can't snort a line of coke off a woman’s ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.

People... they don't write anymore - they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people... more

Now you're giving me that look, right now, look like I fingerbanged your cat

I disgust myself but I am not unhappy about that.

Wine is fine but whisky's quicker

Oh, look at the time.... The big hand says Fuck, and the little hand says Off..... Good thing there's not a second hand. I'm goin' in.

Hank: You looking for a dick punch?

Bill: Do you want to punch me in the dick?

Hank: I kinda do, yeah. But standing here talking about it is beginning to sound pretty gay.

Rehab is for Quitters

Don't tell me what to feel. All my fuckin' life people have been telling me I do things wrong, I'm always the fucking asshole, and I look around and I see everyone else is infinitely more fucked- up... more

Hank: "I probably won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. While I'm down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I'm not talking about a huge 70's playboy bush or... more