Guns make you stupid. Better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.

[voice-over] I'll take a hardware store over a gun any day. Guns make you stupid. Better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.

Asking my mom for something is like asking for a favor from a Russian mob boss, he'll give you what you want with a smile...but you'll pay for it later

Some times the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying.

If it looks like you're gonna get into a fight that could get you killed...start another one

*after being informed he has a sniper trained on him*

"I don't know what the magnification is on your sniper's scope, but the label – the label's Armani… how do I look? I look good,... more

'You say tomato, I say pimp"

Know what it's like being a spy? Like sitting in your dentist's reception area twenty-four hours a day. Read magazines, have coffee, and every so often, someone tries to kill you.

You know spies, a bunch of bitchy little girls.

[voice-over] Thirty years of karate, combat experience on five continents, a rating with every weapon that shoots a bullet or holds an edge... Still haven't found any defense against Mom crying into... more