Guns make you stupid. Better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.

Know what it's like being a spy? Like sitting in your dentist's reception area twenty-four hours a day. Read magazines, have coffee, and every so often, someone tries to kill you.

'You say tomato, I say pimp"

Asking my mom for something is like asking for a favor from a Russian mob boss, he'll give you what you want with a smile...but you'll pay for it later

Gonna bring me in? Here, let me help.

If you don't do what I want, I will reign hell down upon you until one of us is dead… and I am really really good at reigning down hell.

Some times the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying.

When you can't win in a fight, sometimes you have to settle for making sure that if you lose, everyone loses. It works for nuclear weapons; it works for me. - Michael Westen

Being a spy, you have to get comfortable with the idea of people doing bad things for good reasons; doing good things for bad reasons. You do the best you can.

Michael Westen: Not bad for a man in his underwear.

Sam Axe: You think that's good, you should see me without them!