Kitty: It's true what they say, tequila makes everything better.
Sarah: Nobody says that.
Kitty: Well, when I'm first lady I'll say it and it'll catch on.

The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There is too much at stake and life is too short for lies. You are the worse kind of person in the world because you wasted my heart.

Hey, there's a few more hours left in Valentine's Day, I think we should go find all the happy couples and, you know, throw things at them.

Tommy: Hand me a screwdriver. You know what a screwdriver looks like, don't you?
Kevin: It's orange and comes in a glass with ice.

We don't love the people we love because they're perfect. We love the people we love because they are.
~Warren (to Kitty)

Kevin: You're the lying whore of the family!
Kitty: And you're the stuck up bitch!
Kevin: whore.
Kitty: bitch.

Scotty: How did you get so cute?
Kevin: I was born this way. What's your excuse?

Sarah: "Lets do what Walkers do best"
Kevin: "Get drunk"
Sarah: " Yes!"

Sarah: Come on Kevin! We're Walkers. Let's go do what Walker's do best!
Kevin: Get Drunk?

Kitty: Operation puppy is proceeding as planned.
Robert: Do we have to call it that?
Kitty: Operation “shotgun wedding because the condom broke” just doesn’t have the same ring.