Rebecca: Is there anything that you won’t tell each other, that’s just completely off-limits?
Kevin: I probably wouldn’t tell Kitty I’d like to murder her husband. And it wouldn’t be that... more

Tommy: What did you do?
Kevin: Assassination threat on McCallister.
Tommy: What?
Kevin: I didn’t mean it. I was just being me.

Kevin: Just to let you know, I care a lot about Jason. And if things had worked out differently between us, actually, we still wouldn’t have been able to get married in this country.
Robert:... more

Kevin: I slept with Scotty.
Kitty: Kevin! Spill it quickly. I have a crisis to avert over here.
Kevin: What crisis? It's 8:00 in the morning... Oh! Did something happen last night? Did we have...... more

I wish I was a chivalrous ass. Instead of being just wholly an ass.

Your not in the same pickle.

Your friends with Rebecca, consider yourself Switzerland.

Justin: I'm not showing up alone with mom and a strawberry shortcake. It seems very...
Kevin: You were gonna say gay.
Justin: No I wasn't.
Kevin: You are such a child.

Kevin: What are you doing>
Jason: Looking for a band-aid. One of my cousins cut himself.
Kevin: Well that doesn't surprised me. I'm shocked half of them made it to adulthood.
Jason: You think... more

Even wasted, I can handle this one.