Justin: Ok...explain this to me as if I'm slow.
Kevin (sarcastically): As if?

Kevin: Kitty, what's the room situation? Where am I putting my bag?
Kitty: (slurred) Room situation...
Kevin: Whoa, whoa, how did you get this drunk this fast? Let me know your secret.
Kitty:... more

Kevin: You're the lying whore of the family!
Kitty: And you're the stuck up bitch!
Kevin: whore.
Kitty: bitch.

Kevin: Of ALL the situations you've ever put me in...he's a MINISTER?
Kitty: yeah he's a minister. Have you never met a minister before?
Kevin: Uh... I've never sucked face with one before!
Kitty:... more

Kevin: I slept with Scotty.
Kitty: Kevin! Spill it quickly. I have a crisis to avert over here.
Kevin: What crisis? It's 8:00 in the morning... Oh! Did something happen last night? Did we have...... more

The truth is...I love you. And thats all there is to it.

Your the only person I can be myself around.

Kitty: Are you in pain?
Justin: No, no. They gave me a nerve block, so I don't feel anything from the waist down.
Kevin: Great. At least the female population of Pasadena will be safe for a while.

Kevin: I'm a lawyer, truth is irrelevant.

Tommy: Hand me a screwdriver. You know what a screwdriver looks like, don't you?
Kevin: It's orange and comes in a glass with ice.