Objection, your Honor. You can't preface your second point with "first of all".

And if things start to go wrong and you think you're going to lose, just pretend you're winning. It works for our president!

Denny: "Don't waste your time trying to get into my head. There's nothing there."

Those who do not like you fall into one of two catergories: the stupid and the envious.

Denny: She's not good for you.
Alan: Why not?
Denny: She just isn't. A woman knows these things, trust me.
Alan: Denny, you're not a woman.
Denny: Whatever.

Alan Shore: Let me tell you two things about myself. I too am a lawyer, I can be terribly vindictive, and I do not play fair.

Lester Tremont: That's three things.

Alan Shore: See? Not playing... more

(After winning a trial, addressing the media): "So many questions. One at a time, I'm only human. Actually I'm not, I'm Denny Crane"

It's fun being me. Isn't it fun being you?

You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh,... more

Denny Crane never goes down.... not unless it's in bed. I'm a giving lover.