(After winning a trial, addressing the media): "So many questions. One at a time, I'm only human. Actually I'm not, I'm Denny Crane"

Denny Crane never goes down.... not unless it's in bed. I'm a giving lover.

Denny "Why Alan? That's all I'm gonna ask. Why?"
Alan "Some people see things as they are and ask why? Others see things as they never were and claim mad cow."

Denny Crane: "My balls hurt."
Alan Shore: "Let's have that be the first and last time you ever tell me that."

And if things start to go wrong and you think you're going to lose, just pretend you're winning. It works for our president!

Alan: Denny Crane.
Denny: Alan Shore.
Alan: Flamingos.
Denny: Till death do us part.
Alan: Let no man tear us under.

Anybody in America can grow up to be president, that's what I say. Except Hillary. She wins, I puke.

Shirley: (whispering) Denny Crane!
Denny: mmm, quickie!

Denny Crane: How can you ban red meat?
Dominick Ryan: Well, they've got a whole campaign, they're going to go with it. They plan to promote Summersport as the seafood capital of the world.
Denny... more

You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh,... more