Alan Shore: He reminds me of this inflatable bobo doll i had as a kid, i hated that thing. It didn't matter how many times i would smack it down, it would come right back up again. Mocking me... one... more

Denny "Why Alan? That's all I'm gonna ask. Why?"
Alan "Some people see things as they are and ask why? Others see things as they never were and claim mad cow."

Denny Crane: "My balls hurt."
Alan Shore: "Let's have that be the first and last time you ever tell me that."

Those who do not like you fall into one of two catergories: the stupid and the envious.

Alan: Denny Crane.
Denny: Alan Shore.
Alan: Flamingos.
Denny: Till death do us part.
Alan: Let no man tear us under.

Sally: "Is that fair?"

Alan: "I don't understand the question."

Denny: Alan, I heard that you asked Shirley to be part of your dream team. Why her and not me?
Alan: Shirley has breasts; ours are just beginning to develop.

Objection, your Honor. You can't preface your second point with "first of all".

Officer Whistler: He did all the known signals for solicitation. In fact, he was quite methodical about it.

Denny: He's full of crap.

Alan: Denny...

Denny: Well so was I, but I was... more

Alan: "We have a saying in Massachusetts, maybe one day you'll get horribly sick and die."