Hayley: Mom ran off with my boyfriend!!
Stan: And your boyfriend ran off with my wife, maybe we should start dating now..
wait!! daddy didn't think that through!!

Hi I wonder if you can help me? I'm not drunk!

Oh my God what is this and how can I replace my blood with it?

Steve: Don't you have any feelings?

Stan: Son, feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries.

Forget her, I can cook! Here we go, Mac and Cheese. "Boil the water". What am I, a chemist?

Stanley Smith: [to Francine] Potato salad. Not adventurous, but it gets the job done. That reminds me, we should have sex tonight.

I'm going to make you cry and dip my cookie in your tears.

You know what's so wrong about gayness, if there are two men who has the vagina?

That's enough for today. What the hell, why not make it a baker's dozen. After all, I'm just healing, and healing feels good...incredibly good...like god has kissed me with a mouth full of scotch.

Francine, you be very careful out there today, we're at terror alert orange! Which means something might go down somewhere in some way at some point in time.
[shouts]
So look sharp!