Hayley/Steve: "You mean Jenga?"
Roger: "I believe it's pronounced 'henga' but if you wanna crap all over the Spanish language go ahead."

Hayley: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house?

Stan: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.

Steve: Hilary could you pass the salt?

Stan:... more

Steve: Don't you have any feelings?

Stan: Son, feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries.

Stanley Smith: Son, if you ever get captured by any terrorists in the neighborhood and end up on al-Jazeera, just blink you location in Morse code. I'll have a bomb dropped on your location... more

Steve: I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin.
Francine: Aw, sweetie, there was a 70-80% chance of that happening, anyway.

Holly fuck, we just tried to call you! Wait here.

Steve: Lisa only liked me because I was school president, she thinks I'm repulsive, and the worse part of it is she's right.

Stan: Steve I promise you, and this comes from years of experience,... more

Roger: "Remember, you--are--a shepherd!"

Steve: "I am a shepherd. All right, let's screw some sheep!"

Your growling can intrigues me...

Stan Smith: This will provide shelter and hold things.

Hayley, Francine and Steve Smith: We don't have any things.

Stan Smith: A shelf we don't even need... Lavish.