You know what's so wrong about gayness, if there are two men who has the vagina?

Hayley: Mom ran off with my boyfriend!!
Stan: And your boyfriend ran off with my wife, maybe we should start dating now..
wait!! daddy didn't think that through!!

That's enough for today. What the hell, why not make it a baker's dozen. After all, I'm just healing, and healing feels good...incredibly good...like god has kissed me with a mouth full of scotch.

Pen-gun, mightier than the sword. Sword-gun, mightier than the pen-gun.

Hayley: Dad what you're doing violates every tennant of a rational and just society.

Stan: High-five.

Stanley Smith: [to Francine] Potato salad. Not adventurous, but it gets the job done. That reminds me, we should have sex tonight.

Stan: Today's the anniversary that Francine and I had a big fight because I forgot our... more

(Steve throws torn up napkins over Stan's head after the RNC announce someone else is their keynote speaker)
Stan: Thank you Steve, thank you for making my shame more festive.

Forget her, I can cook! Here we go, Mac and Cheese. "Boil the water". What am I, a chemist?

<Floor creaks> Is that you Osama?