Terry: We've decided to have a baby...
Stan: Guys, guys...a baby's not like two sticks...you can't just rub them together and "whoosh"!

Can you believe we're going to meet Denzel Washington! He's like Harrison Ford dipped in Chocolate

I thought we were going on a hike

Klaus Talking To Roger

I drank a big cup of coffee and then gave myself a prostate exam, next time i'll reverse the order.

There's nothing we can do, we're helpless like a turned over tortoise. Sure our bellies are warm now, but soon it will be dark and then the crows will come.

stan- "one for please dont hurt him"
movie salesamn-" one for please dont hurt him, that will be $8.50"
stan- " $8.50, but the paper says 5.50
movie salesman- "thats... more

I don't know why Francine gets mad at me for always being right. I don't get mad at her for always being wrong.

-I look silly!
-If by silly you mean beautiful then yes, you do look silly! Hell, you look down right retarded!

I had no idea you were watching, I'm glad I could be so impressive! I'll take my victory muffin now.

Klaus: (exits bathroom) I taught myself the toilet.