Stupid Americans." "We heard that." (all at the same time)

Oh God help me I'm fat

Annie: I need to talk to you in the living room.
Sam: You're in trouble. Tell her you're sorry and you'll never do it again.
Eric: I don't think that will work for me.
David: Tell her Happy did... more

Simon: On a scale of 1-10, 10 being boarding school, how much trouble am I in?
Eric: We can’t afford boarding school.

Ruthie (to Eric): We need to talk..And It’s private!
Eric: About?
Ruthie:…sex.
(In other room) Lucy: Boy she’s good
Matt: I've never been prouder.

Annie to Eric: "You and Simon need some guy stuff to do together. I don't want him to feel left out."
Eric to Annie: "No, being left out is Lucy's job."

Eric: You know in some ways your mother hasn't changed since the day I married her over twenty years ago.
Matt: And in other ways?
Eric: She's mean. Really, really mean.

[Eric is tucking his youngest sons in to bed]
Eric: I love you guys.
Sam: I love Spiderman.
David: I love Batman.
Eric: I love Batman too.
Sam: What about Spiderman?
Eric: I love him too.... more

Annie: Teenagers.
Eric: Yeah, if you don't like their mood, wait 10 minutes.

Eric: Your hair looks nice, Luce.
Lucy: Nice or sexy?
Eric: Uh....nice. Definitely nice. If my 13-year-old daughter had sexy hair, I'd shave her head!