Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

Ok. But I have to be downtown dressed as a ninja by 10.

You know how pissed off I was when U.S. Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack - I'm straight-up mentally ill!

Tracy: "What did I tell you was the secret to having a good marriage and keeping it together, Kenneth?

Kenneth: "Be a Good listener, be a giver of gifts, and work that va-jay-jay!"

Tracy: Hey, Liz Lemon, I'm going to an animals-only strip club. Interested?
Liz: Does that mean the animals strip, or the animals are the customers?
Tracy: Animal customers? That's ridiculous.

Tracy: Liz Lemon, you are my Alexander Hamilton.

Liz: I don't know what that means.

Liz: People are going to show up expecting all this great stuff and they're going to be disappointed and angry.

Tracy: Just like Colonial Williamsburg.

I love this cornbread so much, I want to take it behind a middle school, and get it pregnant.

Liz: Please, do not bother Jack. He is in a weird place right now.
Tracy: B.B. Jackson's condo?
Liz: No.
Tracy: A children's clothing store in Dubai?
Liz: Just stop guessing!